Listening

I am a rule follower. I have said it often and it's never really bothered me that I follow rules. I mean, doesn't that mean that I have integrity? I suppose in moral evaluation rule following is great but I have discovered over this summer that it can also be a pressure point or a driver to some of my behaviors (can all my nurse friends say OCD).
I am marathon training. It's a feat! It's harder than I ever anticipated. It's as much mental as physical and sometimes I even wonder if mentally I've gotten soft (b/c I wouldn't have in the past considered myself soft). So, I have found that I lean to my "rule-follower" tendencies to keep me on track with my training plan. If the plan says I am running 6, 3, 5, 7, 12 this week then in the past, that's what I would be running...no matter what. Injury, fatigue, schedule, life, crisis, nothing would stop me. But I have found that this training is a "marathon, not a sprint" -- pun intended. I MUST LISTEN to my body; sometimes it can do the plan, sometimes it needs the plan to be modified. If I want to make it to Race Day healthy and prepared (mentally and physically), there has to be a balance between my listening skills and my "rule following." I know this is likely not news to many of you out there but this is a true epiphany for me. And, it doesn't just apply to running, it applies to life.
I said to a friend last week that I have discovered: I am best off when I allow guilt to result in grace.
My new commitment to myself is now to keep the end in mind and listen before I act.

~Sharon

Doing great...simply?

I am always amazed how people will throw money at a problem. Recently I have been more interested in the behavior of people working in austere condition throughout the world. When a decision is made to spend money and the end result is something that lacks longterm viability. A recent example was the purchase of a large generator for a village. Turns out the generator runs on petroleum which is near impossible to find in this region. The point...LOTS OF MONEY spent in a solution that didn't work. This morning I watched Arvind Gupta speak on the simplicity of toys that also serve as teaching aids. I love his passion, simplicity, and the great things he is empowering people to accomplish...and all of this at MINIMAL COST!

Enjoy...David

Meltdown

All the parents reading this title know exactly what a meltdown is...it's the moment at which your child's resources, reserves, and rational responses evaporate. Usually a meltdown comes when they are beyond tired, in a growth spirt, &  haven't eaten. The trigger for the meltdown is totally unrelated to it's cause and is usually so ridiculous that the parent can't see it coming. One minute everything is fine and then you put lunch on the blue plate instead of the green plate and it's as if lightening has struck. There is no real solution to the meltdown. It requires time, rest, food, love, and patience. Once it passes, it's over; over that is, until the next time.
Interestingly, meltdowns are not exclusive to children. They are universally human.
They happen when our margin is gone. Think of margin like the margin on a sheet of paper. It's there for a reason. It gives the visual boundaries necessary to write and read a page properly. It's a place for a teacher or editor to put notes or corrections. It's a place to put extra or forgotten information.
In everyday life, margin is our reserve - the place where we absorb unexpected or overloading circumstances to our time, emotions, & finances. The margin is a temporary extension of our abilities. We are designed to live inside the boundaries of the margins; we can only sustain expenditures of time, efforts, or finances to a certain amount and then to need rest and restoration.
When we find ourselves instead living IN the margins on a consistent basis, we are on dangerous ground. We are going to be prone to meltdowns and unfortunately, the meltdown isn't the worst of it-- it can get much worse. It can lead to financial ruin, unbearable stress, decreased effectiveness, health problems, damaged relationships, and much more. The meltdown is your warning. It's a red flag that says, "Get back inside the margins before you break or break someone else."
Last week, I had a meltdown. I don't even know what the trigger was- I can't remember. But I know that I was reduced to a child-like meltdown. Tears and all. I had spent the week living IN the margins.
In no particular order these were the circumstances:
1. sick kid
2. no quality sleep x3 days
3. major project due for a kid
4. kid with classes 2 nights that week
5. orchestra concert
6. week 2 of my diet
7. race training (running)
8. spouse out of town for 10 days
9. unexpected (bad) interim school report for a kid
10. 2 projects due for my non-profit volunteer work
11. First week of swim lessons
12. Sore throat and allergies for me
and who knows what else.....
Thankfully, it was late in the evening. I put the kids in bed and just fell to my knees (literally) to pray. I love our big family and I support my hubby's travel schedule, but sometimes in managing it all, I forget that I don't have to carry it all too. God wants to carry it with me and for me.
Over and Over again, I see how Psalms 40:1-3 rings true in my life:
"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and mire.
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord."

I am glad this meltdown was short and now I have a re-centered perspective for both my kids' meltdowns and an a reminder to stay out of the margin.
~Sharon

Conflict or Harmony

It's interesting, I suspect that people would say of me, "She doesn't mind conflict. In fact, she likes it." That's true but it's also totally not true... What?!

Let me explain. I have an analytical mind, I enjoy a debate (I get that from my dad). I have no problem with conflict in which there can be resolution. And that resolution, does not have to be me being right. I am happy to be wrong (just show me), I am happy to apologize, I am happy to compromise, I am happy to form a different opinion based on sound reasoning or fact.

Conflict in which I feel powerless, meaning: conflict in which there is not transparency, conflict in which there are malicious motives, conflict in which communication isn't present, conflict in which my motives have been assumed, conflict that is riddled with gossip, or conflict in which people assume that I don't get me feelings hurt--- these are the conflicts in which I do not do well with! They grieve me. I use the word 'grieve' in the most serious of connotations, GRIEVE me, they cause me physical ailment. I wrestle with them.

I am desirous of peace, desirous of reconciliation (I get this from my mom).

Where is all this coming from?

I didn't have some crisis in my life, I didn't have some major conflict or falling out yesterday. (Promise.)

I was reading this morning and came across this:

Ps 133:1 (NLT) How wonderful and pleasant it is

when brothers live together in harmony!

or

Ps 133:1 (NIV) How good and pleasant it is

when God’s people live together in unity!

This just struck me... I have lots of people in my life: family, friends, neighbors, associates, organization peers. There is conflict in these situations. Anytime you are in relationship with people for more than a year, there will be conflict (for many, it could take a day). All it takes is enough interactions to get past the superficial.

However, I am in a season of my life where there is peace. (in same cases, it's absence of conflict, in some it's mature relationship where conflict is easily resolved, and in some cases, it's just grace-filled situations paired with forgiveness.) It makes life so smooth. Harmony is wonderful and pleasant. It provides for so much freedom. Freedom to spend my energies elsewhere. Freedom to be creative and explore (which takes focus for me). Freedom to grow, engage, and flourish. Harmony is a gift. A gift that I am Thankful for...

I love the holidays and what I love most about the holidays is having family and friends around. I don't get to have all of my family around like I wish (many of them live FAR away or cost is just too much, or they have other family to visit). But I am so thankful for both our family and friends. And in this season of celebrating Thanksgiving, this passage spoke volumes to me about the blessings of harmony.

(And for all you natural debaters out there, no I don't think absence of conflict is all good or should last forever...I am just grateful for peace in this season of my life.)

Still Fighting for Freedom

I found out today that our company lost an employee yesterday. Our CEO at Mission Essential Personnel has made it a point to remind us that we are dedicated to human freedom. I think it is easy for people to forget that there is a war going on. Maybe not a traditional war but a war of ideology and a war on freedom.

Seven months ago I made the decision to become part of the company and have not looked back. Being able to be a part of such an important mission has made every day rewarding and gives a clear sense of purpose for what I do. It is so important to be happy with what you do for a living. Having passion about your job can only come from a job that has significance or meaning for you. I once heard someone say, "I hope we don't HAVE to go to work; we all GET to go to work."

Back to the reason for writing this blog. Junaid Hijran, was serving with the Marines in southern Afghanistan. He completed his tour on Thanksgiving and departed

to Kabul for time off. At a checkpoint along the way, he was pulled from his vehicle and brutally murdered by the Taliban on the side of the road. Junaid was 26 years old, maybe 5’1”, and all of 95 pounds. His nickname was, “Tough Guy”, given to him by one of our managers in Kandahar.

Junaid wanted a better Afghanistan that was free from oppression and violence. In the midst of all the potential dangers, Junaid still volunteered to serve. All too often we take our freedom in America for granted.

He is a hero.

Thank You Cards

I received an email today that was priceless. And, when I was writing the response, I thought: "I should put this on the blog, because if two moms struggled with kids and Thank You Cards, then I bet many more have too. Also, it's a great reminder adults as well.

We have become a culture that is so accustomed to fast-paced, ever-changing information exchange and yet somewhere along the way, the simple basics of etiquette (RSVPs, Thank-You Cards, and Introductions) have escaped us.

DISCLAIMER: I am not perfect. SO, I may have missed your thank-you card following the baby's birth or some other event, but this story of a principle. It is just one of my little attempts to create good habits in my children and to teach them courtesy.

Here is the e-mail, it came from a mother (I'll call her Annie) whose son attended Connor's Birthday/Pool Party on Saturday.

Sharon -

You are an awesome Mom! We got Connor's thank you note in the mail today....it was fantastic! We are still working to get efficient at getting thank you notes done and mailed. Have a great afternoon....Annie

I replied with the following e-mail:

Annie,

I laughed out loud when I read this! Thanks so much BUT, let me tell you my secret.

I gave up on trying to get the kids to sit down and write their Thank You cards. It was a losing battle with me spending time aggravated and the cards still not written.

So I changed my approach completely. All I do is make sure that we have plenty of Thank You cards on the day of the party.

The rest is up to the kids.

They must write each Thank You immediately after opening the gift; they cannot open another gift until the card is written.

How fast or slow that happens is totally up to them. It usually takes 3-4 days to open all the gifts but I have had it take as long as 2 weeks. Connor finished his last card about 2 hours ago. :0)
I have found that not only does this arrangement cut down on our arguing but it helps them to appreciate each gift more because they spend time with it before hurrying on the next gift.

Also, If there is complaining about writing the cards, I offer that they do not have to write a Thank-You card, they can simply return the gift to their friend and explain how they don’t appreciate the gift or the time, care, and money that it demonstrates. Suddenly, the thank you card is NOT such a big deal.

At Christmas, they open all the gifts at once, but the gifts must stay in the living room and can’t be played with until Thank Yous are written.

Sounds a bit outlandish when I write it out but it works AWESOME and has solved my problem with very little effort.

Thanks for your kind words and Have a great day,

Sharon

Annie subsequently replied with the fact that her mom's group would enjoy hearing this method to the Thank-You Card "battle." So, I thought I would share it with my friends as well.

I hope if nothing else, you got a laugh out of some of our family fun.